God is NOT a DJ!

God is NOT a DJ!

I haven’t blogged for a while, basically I was bored, uninspired, and busy as hell. But I have had an experience lately that I must share with you all.

I meet God! Yes, I have stared into the eyes of the all mighty, only this time he took the guise of a waxing technician! I was amazed I wasn’t smighted after all the profanity I was uttering in Her/His presence. I swore, I cursed, I called His/Her name in vain, in several languages. Basically, what happened is I got my fanny/foufou/girly bits waxed! Never did this before, I just basically shaved them, which was a task I had to do everyday, twice a day, as I had a 5 o’clock shadow down there. This was of course drying out my skin and irritating the hell out of it, so I decided that it was time to wax.

It wasn’t until I was laying in the treatment chair, with my legs open, this determined woman with a mask on her face homing in on my bits, with hot wax in one hand and cotton strips in the other, that several thoughts simultaneously entered my head: 1) OH FUCK, this is a vulnerable position to be in. I now know what my subs must feel like! 2) I hope she knows what she is doing! Another thought that goes through the sub’s mind. And after the first strip of hair was yanked away with great gusto and excitement: 3) I AM NOT INTO PAIN! Oh, Fuck, that hurt, why am I doing this, etc. shit, fuck, oh hell, bla bla bla, AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG! Fuck!

After what seems like an eternity and several layers of my skin being ripped away; most of the lady garden was weeded. I gingerly got off the table, hobbled away, went home, wanted to curl up in a ball, but throbbing bits prevented that; so sat splayed on the sofa for the reminded of the afternoon. Now I have given birth, and it was sore, but waxing is a particular kind of soreness. Next day, the heat and throbbing and most of the swelling had gone down, I touched it and noticed how smooth it all was. In fact it was so smooth, that thoughts of the previous day started to fade, NOT! What I am determined to do in the future, is take my own damn wax with me and some No Scream Cream!

But I must say, the experience has given me some ideas! 🙂 HOT WAX TORTURE! MWHAAAAAAAA!