WTF? WAS I, THINKING.

WTF? WAS I, THINKING.

Obviously I wasn’t thinking, and that is why I ended up in what can only be described as a fucking mess! Yup that is right, me the self professed queen of singledom, singlehood, singleness! Whatever the damn word. Found herself falling in love! Sweet Jesus, it came out of left field and hit me so damn hard I was stunned by the brilliance and the purity of such a rare feeling. I had forgotten how wonderful falling in love is. But I don’t fall in love, I get hit by a freight train, rendered speechless and dumb. Left clutching the tattered remnants of myself, and wondering why I can’t stop thinking about a certain set of gorgeous eyes. Now if humans could just get stuck in this blissful state we would be ok. But noooooo, we have to be human and do something to fuck things up.

And I have a sensitive bullshit meter. Meaning I will not allow myself to be mislead by words, actions speak louder for me. I am hearing the words, but the actions are often more compelling and usually a true indication of the real state of affairs. Well, lets say, I managed to salvage things before they reached critical mass. Translation, I realised what a total flake he was and decided to no longer invest my time or energy in someone who couldn’t appreciate what he had. I feel like a Bond martini, shaken but not stirred. All I can say, is I think I just saved my self a few years of realising that I would have been wasting my time. Better know it now than later.

Thank god. So now I can return to my delightfully rational self. A good DOM session anyone? Queue evil laugh.

My recent trip to Paris-Part 1

My recent trip to Paris-Part 1

ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuckity, fuck fuck fuck! ARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!! I fucking hate Schiphol Security! They are idiots, and disorganized morons and couldn’t catch a suicide bomber running through the airport with a bomb strapped to his ass, screaming “Death to the infidel!” The last time I had to deal with these jackasses was when traveling with a discount airline. Now I am on my way to Paris for a weekend of Gala events, shoe and tea shopping. Civilization is calling. I do have to say I am traveling with a selected SD and he has elite status, as do I. Elite status, is when you travel a certain amount of miles with KLM, they grant you platinum status, which is in other words, for the impatient among us, a blessing. It means shorter lines, less hassle and the ability to use the Crown Lounge, free internet use, free food, and of course my favorite, the free booze! After having to deal with the morons in security a girl needs a Kir Rus or two to restore her equilibrium. A Kir Rus is champagne and vodka. They are potent things, and not for the faint of heart.

I am in the shorter line for Privium and KLM Elite and Elite Plus members. Fine all is going well, bags are going through the belt, and I am next in line, when I am stopped and held back, after my purse with identification, money,  credit cards, phones, in essence my life, has gone through, with me left behind standing with laptop and gala dress in hand. Now, had they not stopped me and ushered 5 other people ahead of me and kept me waiting with my bags in hand, I would haven’t given a rats ass, What totally hacked me off was the fact they were willing to allow my bag to sit at the end of the conveyor belt unprotected! Luckily my SD was there, but that isn’t the point. I of course being me, opened my mouth, to say, “Excuse, why don’t you let me through because my bags have already gone through, is that really secure to leave it there?” I was told not to worry that their colleague was looking after it. The hell he fucking was, when his back was to the exit and he was looking at the x-ray screen. I asked, “Oh is he? Which is more important? My one bag, or the rest of the luggage being x-rayed? Also isn’t that going against security protocol?”

The point is I wasn’t really all that bothered about the Privium members being let through first, it was good to learn that they let Privium clients through first; as I plan on being a member soon as well. The real problem is the Dutch don’t know how to handle status, or thing pertaining to such. Unlike the French, who can handle status with brilliant aplomb, they will bow and scrape with the best of them, and still maintain their dignity. The Dutch sadly not. Their dignity is lost, the minute it involves them having to provide a service, which leads to said service provided consequently falling short of mark. It is almost as if providing a service causes an allergic reaction in their brains and short circuits it, thusly causing the organism to cease to function. I have lived in Holland for the last 13 years, and I still notice when I have received good service, because it is still so rare.

It will be interesting to see how things are done in France on the return flight. I will have a few Kir Ruses to fortify me for the journey. God help them!

I F*****G HATE DISCOUNT AIRLINES!

I F*****G HATE DISCOUNT AIRLINES!

I remember an incident from about a year ago, when traveling through Schiphol airport. They, being the Security Nazis, tried to send me through leaving my handbag behind, I protested that my bag wasn’t in my sight and the SN had the nerve to tell me , “it’s not my problem”. I replied, “No it isn’t? If my bag gets stolen because of your stupid security measures, I will kick the value of it out of your ass.” He tuned red and replied, “ Yes and you will go to jail.” “True, but this is Holland, I will be out of jail before you are out of the hospital, do you want to chance it?” Was my parting shot.  He shut up after that. I was traveling with a discount airline at the time. Things haven’t improved.

I have seriously come to the conclusion, I FUCKING HATE DISCOUNT AIR TRAVEL! Yes you get there cheaply, but the toll it takes on your nerves, your dignity, and your legs last longer that any money you saved on buying a cheap ticket. First off, I think they specially train the staff in rudeness and anti-customer service. They go out of their way to exasperate and just piss you off for the sheer hell of it. I would be pretty much a malcontent if I had to work for a shitty airline, so to some extent it is understandable.

Then the security restrictions are even more numerous with your average discount airline, you can only carry one bag on, it has to weigh so much, it has to be a certain size, usually smaller than that of the ‘normal’ carriers allow, and you have to pay for your luggage. Low and behold if it is one f’ing kilo over the barebones minimum that they allow,  they can/will  slap another 20-30 euros on top of what you have already paid for baggage. I mean have they forgotten we are traveling, and by virtue of being in transit, we will have some kind of baggage with us? So to make you pay for the flight and then the baggage, and the ingrained rudeness of the staff is in my opinion ridiculous. Oh, did I mention they make you pay for the shittiest food imaginable?

Then to carry on the insult, the security measures are extreme in there stupidity, hasn’t anyone realized all you do is frustrate people, cause delays, and accomplish absolutely nothing in stopping a terrorist from wrecking havoc if they so chose? Christmas 2009, springs to mind. This unfortunate young idiot passed through the hallowed halls of Schiphol airport on his way to the US, with his strap-on bomb in place. The taking off of the shoes, the limiting of liquids, the opening of lap tops and such didn’t stop this would-be terrorist from getting through and almost causing a major disaster.  Aggravating travelers is not the way to prevent terrorism, if anything it is a good way to cause normal individuals to want to turn to terror as a means to alleviate some of the frustration they feel, when some jackass at security, who hasn’t a clue what to look for is making you late for your plane, because your f’ing lipgloss isn’t in a stupid ziplock baggie!

Ok so you have cleared the insipid security measures, managed to not shove your lipgloss, or foot up some Security Nazi’s ass, and now you have the pleasure of walking the entire length of the airport! Because it is a cheap discount airline, they stick them at gates seriously bordering on another province let alone the airport environs. So, not only are you late for your flight, but now you have to run a marathon to get to the gate, only to discover that they have moved your flight, maybe they announced it, maybe not. Who knows! They certainly don’t care. That is one less pissed off passenger they have to deal with.

It certainly doesn’t add to the travel experience at all. But I am safe in the knowledge that I will soon be in a suite at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Barcelona, with a masseuse waiting for me to rub away all the stress of the nightmare that airline travel has become. If only I could have one waiting for me at home when in a few days I have to relive the nightmare of the return trip.