This is past being a pet peeve, this is in the territory of me getting violent, wanting to break off the end of a champagne glass and ram it into the jugular of the offending cretin. WHY, OH WHY! Would anyone think biting my nipple, or any other sensitive part of any woman’s anatomy is sexy, sensual, or turns us on? How can the moron think chomping down on my bits isn’t going to warrant me slapping them? And when they get this reaction, me smacking them besides the head, they look at me in shock and can’t understand what they have done. They seem to think they are being sexy, I am ready to kill.

What happens to some men when they are in a sexual situation? They have either been watching to many porn movies and think anything that can be done to a porn ACTRESS, I can do to a woman? Or is it because I am an escort, and the thoughts run to, oh I am paying her, so I can do what-ever?!

Which ever the case, boys your teeth are for chewing your food, or getting knocked out by your friends on a Saturday after a night of excessive drinking at the pub, not for biting on me.

Rant over!

The Purpose of My Profile

The Purpose of My Profile

This post is strictly for the gentlemen out there who are guilty of this particular faux pas: Not reading my profile. It is the pet peeve of every WG I know, and even some WB. We are always complaining that clients don’t read our profiles, where we list what we do, where we are, how late we work, and what the rates are. Still the phone will ring and some idiot at the other end will ask, “Aww do you just do blow-jobs?” At this point I want to bang my head against the wall, and then follow it up with banging the fool at the other end of the line’s head.

It is almost like going into a nice restaurant, looking at the menu, and just ordering the plate! WTF! I do know where this is coming from, the recession has started to make all who have so little spending money start to deconstruct what it is they’re really getting. I wouldn’t be surprised if glory-holes make a viral come back. Hole, mouth, dick in. Simple. Ick.

I do often wonder if clients think I put up a profile for decorative reasons, to add some local color to the web? No, it is there to inform you of some things about me and my service. To help you to decide if I am what you are looking for. It isn’t there just to provide wanking fodder and a phone number when the pictures no longer suffice and you want to be talked through your one-handed session.  I have another number for that.

A few guidelines( yet again, doubtful they will be read):

1. Before you call an escort, try to formulate a few intelligent questions. Write them down and reread them to yourself, so you don’t sound like the village idiot with too much free credit on his phone.

2. Texts are free now. Learn to text in whole sentences. The likelihood increases that 1) I will read your text, and 2) respond to your text.

3. Spit it out! Meaning, there is basically nothing I haven’t been asked before, so just tell me what you are looking for. Trust me, your kinky fantasy is probably quite tame.

4. And maybe this is right up there with reading my profile, when you have booked, and I am giving you directions, L-I-S-T-E-N!!! There is a reason I told you to stand in from of a certain shop.

5. I know I am wasting my time writing this.