This is past being a pet peeve, this is in the territory of me getting violent, wanting to break off the end of a champagne glass and ram it into the jugular of the offending cretin. WHY, OH WHY! Would anyone think biting my nipple, or any other sensitive part of any woman’s anatomy is sexy, sensual, or turns us on? How can the moron think chomping down on my bits isn’t going to warrant me slapping them? And when they get this reaction, me smacking them besides the head, they look at me in shock and can’t understand what they have done. They seem to think they are being sexy, I am ready to kill.

What happens to some men when they are in a sexual situation? They have either been watching to many porn movies and think anything that can be done to a porn ACTRESS, I can do to a woman? Or is it because I am an escort, and the thoughts run to, oh I am paying her, so I can do what-ever?!

Which ever the case, boys your teeth are for chewing your food, or getting knocked out by your friends on a Saturday after a night of excessive drinking at the pub, not for biting on me.

Rant over!

Murphy’s 4th Law of Whoring By Appoline

Murphy’s 4th Law of Whoring By Appoline

A lovely working lady whom I have met, posted this love list, I just want to share it will all those ladies out there, who I know will be able to relate to them all.

Law 1. The one service that he wants, is the only one you don’t do.
Law 2. The less interested you are in working, the more clients there will be wanting to book you.
Law 3. The niceness of the client and the amount he is willing to spend on you, is directly and inversely proportional to the likelehood of you suddenly coming down with the thrush, the flu, or a period that would put Niagra Falls to shame.
Law 4. The more you need/ want the money, the less genuine clients and more timewasters there are out there.
Law 5. The more you spend on a hotel and ads, the less clients you will get.
Law 6. The uglier and more talentless the man, the more chance there is of him thinking he’d make a great male escort.
Law 7. The longer your phone goes without ringing, the greater the likelehood that when you put it down for ten minutes you miss three genuine calls.
Law 8. The Sunday Sport will go into recievership the day before your prepaid epic tour to a non- internet area.
Law 9. Some dude called Mario will be trying to pull you and all of your friends via email in pidgeon English.
Law 10. Men suck.
My recent trip to Paris-Part 1

My recent trip to Paris-Part 1

ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuckity, fuck fuck fuck! ARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!! I fucking hate Schiphol Security! They are idiots, and disorganized morons and couldn’t catch a suicide bomber running through the airport with a bomb strapped to his ass, screaming “Death to the infidel!” The last time I had to deal with these jackasses was when traveling with a discount airline. Now I am on my way to Paris for a weekend of Gala events, shoe and tea shopping. Civilization is calling. I do have to say I am traveling with a selected SD and he has elite status, as do I. Elite status, is when you travel a certain amount of miles with KLM, they grant you platinum status, which is in other words, for the impatient among us, a blessing. It means shorter lines, less hassle and the ability to use the Crown Lounge, free internet use, free food, and of course my favorite, the free booze! After having to deal with the morons in security a girl needs a Kir Rus or two to restore her equilibrium. A Kir Rus is champagne and vodka. They are potent things, and not for the faint of heart.

I am in the shorter line for Privium and KLM Elite and Elite Plus members. Fine all is going well, bags are going through the belt, and I am next in line, when I am stopped and held back, after my purse with identification, money,  credit cards, phones, in essence my life, has gone through, with me left behind standing with laptop and gala dress in hand. Now, had they not stopped me and ushered 5 other people ahead of me and kept me waiting with my bags in hand, I would haven’t given a rats ass, What totally hacked me off was the fact they were willing to allow my bag to sit at the end of the conveyor belt unprotected! Luckily my SD was there, but that isn’t the point. I of course being me, opened my mouth, to say, “Excuse, why don’t you let me through because my bags have already gone through, is that really secure to leave it there?” I was told not to worry that their colleague was looking after it. The hell he fucking was, when his back was to the exit and he was looking at the x-ray screen. I asked, “Oh is he? Which is more important? My one bag, or the rest of the luggage being x-rayed? Also isn’t that going against security protocol?”

The point is I wasn’t really all that bothered about the Privium members being let through first, it was good to learn that they let Privium clients through first; as I plan on being a member soon as well. The real problem is the Dutch don’t know how to handle status, or thing pertaining to such. Unlike the French, who can handle status with brilliant aplomb, they will bow and scrape with the best of them, and still maintain their dignity. The Dutch sadly not. Their dignity is lost, the minute it involves them having to provide a service, which leads to said service provided consequently falling short of mark. It is almost as if providing a service causes an allergic reaction in their brains and short circuits it, thusly causing the organism to cease to function. I have lived in Holland for the last 13 years, and I still notice when I have received good service, because it is still so rare.

It will be interesting to see how things are done in France on the return flight. I will have a few Kir Ruses to fortify me for the journey. God help them!