WTF? WAS I, THINKING.

Obviously I wasn’t thinking, and that is why I ended up in what can only be described as a fucking mess! Yup that is right, me the self professed queen of singledom, singlehood, singleness! Whatever the damn word. Found herself falling in love! Sweet Jesus, it came out of left field and hit me so damn hard I was stunned by the brilliance and the purity of such a rare feeling. I had forgotten how wonderful falling in love is. But I don’t fall in love, I get hit by a freight train, rendered speechless and dumb. Left clutching the tattered remnants of myself, and wondering why I can’t stop thinking about a certain set of gorgeous eyes. Now if humans could just get stuck in this blissful state we would be ok. But noooooo, we have to be human and do something to fuck things up.

And I have a sensitive bullshit meter. Meaning I will not allow myself to be mislead by words, actions speak louder for me. I am hearing the words, but the actions are often more compelling and usually a true indication of the real state of affairs. Well, lets say, I managed to salvage things before they reached critical mass. Translation, I realised what a total flake he was and decided to no longer invest my time or energy in someone who couldn’t appreciate what he had. I feel like a Bond martini, shaken but not stirred. All I can say, is I think I just saved my self a few years of realising that I would have been wasting my time. Better know it now than later.

Thank god. So now I can return to my delightfully rational self. A good DOM session anyone? Queue evil laugh.

Love

OMG, yes Valentines day is almost upon us again and the stores are littered with red hearts(I like those), and soppy cards(waste of trees). Love is in the air, love songs playing on the radio, couple cooing into each others ears. I feel like going postal!

This isn’t your average rhapsodizing eulogy to the subject of love. No, ‘how do I love thee, let me count the ways’ crap here. This is in essence a love heretic’s view on one of the most discussed subjects. Instead of reading books to learn how to fall in love, I am reading books on how to reverse engineer falling in love. Meaning learning what makes it happen, to avoid it happening to me ever again.

I think somewhere along the way my love bone was amputated. Because the older and more set in my ways I get, I am realizing that the last thing I want or need in my life is to fall in love. Shock, horror, cue the dirge.

Yup I have dared to say out loud, what I am sure loads of people feel, I Hate Being in Love! Natures way of making you think that the idiot you are with is the one, simply to cause you to screw like rabbits and produce future idiots. Because as soon as your brain clears, and you wake up from the phenylethylamine induced haze it has been under. The fun begins. First comes the realization that this man/woman irritates the hell out of you, next comes the-how the fuck am I here with him/her? You then starting asking your friends to retell the story of your meeting this person, because you have to hear for yourself how the hell you ended up here, several years down the road with your once well planned life in shatters.

Then of course because you have committed to the relationship, you compound the problem by involving children, family, more children , the odd pet, a few assets, and before you know it 20 years and 30 pounds later, you are stuck in a shitty relationship, when all you really wanted was a naughty weekend and a shag. By now it is too late to leave, so you have the rest of your life to look forward to involving more family, now grandchildren in the drama, and the time drags on. Sweet mother of god, fucking shoot me now!

25 years of marriage to the same person, is in my opinion a failure on the part of both parties to grow as human beings. Sorry to all those married for that long, soul search and you will find the kernel of truth in what I am saying. The idea of waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life is tantamount to hell on earth for me. The same face, same stupid jokes, the same stilted one-sided opinions about the same shit. Jesus H. Christ, where is the nearest set of train tracks?

Seriously let’s look at the symptoms of falling in love. Disorientation(schizophrenics, psychotics, delusionals suffer from this), a strong desire to be around the object of affection(stalkers, erotomanics, groupies), can’t stop fantasizing about OOA(OCD, delusionals, bipolars, psychopaths), starts to write bad poetry or songs to various body parts (bad poets are idiots in general). Wanting to spend every waking hour in your beloved arms(delusional, OCD, unrealistic). The bloody list of symptoms goes on and on.

We as a society encourage this type of behavior, write songs and numerous poems, sonnets, and soliloquies about it. Encourage our offspring to pursue it. You wouldn’t tell a psychotic person to go on, go out and fulfill your dream, axe murder your neighbors it will bring you closer to your true self? But we tell young people and old for that matter, to drop their lives in order to chase after the one they love? What utter lunacy! I think all in love people should be locked up until they come to their senses, they do eventually.

Personally I think in terms of benefit, men benefit more from being in love, it focuses them, gives them a reason d’être, stops them from running around hitting other men on the head, and so forth. They get fed regular, are generally kept cleaner than when single. Over all a good thing for society.

Now for women, I think it is detrimental, nothing will ruin a perfectly good working girl faster than falling in love. Seriously, the first thing she wants to do is spend more time with her new guy! Which means she loses the desire to work, and her income gets affected. Now when the new love becomes that bastard from hell who broke her heart, she realizes she is broke financially and must return to work. May have compounded her problem with a child or 2 and the list goes on ad infinitum. Not to mention all the wasted time, she could have been better working on contributing to her life in a good way.

Yeah I know what is coming next about, having someone there to lean on when things are tough, I find I am better at dealing with problems on my own and finding my own solutions without the input from a partner. They get in the way more, but then again I am a different sort of female, I don’t really play by the rules.

Now this doesn’t mean I am incapable of love, oh far from it. I can and do love deeply, what I dislike is falling in love, and all the associated idiocy that seems to attach itself to it. Some of the best sex I have had is in love sex. I mean good poem writing stuff, but it doesn’t always translate into marriage for life stuff. Vast difference.