Hot Water!

Just a few ramblings from a traveling sales woman(pun intended).
Just finished a one of the longest tours ever in Ireland, and I must say, aside for being totally knackered, I was surprised how many people are still being positive in the face of the financial situation. But then again that is the way of the Irish, to put a positive a spin on a bad situation. And let’s face it, we in this part of the world, we really have nothing to complain about, except there are a couple of things I would like to have further clarification on:
1. What is with all the fiffing,fussing, faffing, farting, and fucking about with the hot water in this country? IT is NEVER straight forward! There is always some button to push, some switch to flick, some knob to turn, some timer to set and when all else fails, some prayers to be said to the saint of hot running water. Oh did I forget to mention the water pressure? I can’t tell you how many times I have been down on my knees in the tub, as low as I can get, in the vain hope of getting the shower to dribble some water on my ass. It is amusing now, but it wasn’t at the time.
2.Also, in my travels around the fair Emerald Isle, I have come to the conclusion, it takes longer to travel within the country, than it does to travel outside of it. Example- it takes 3+ hours to get from Dublin to Cork, than it does to get from Dublin to Belfast. Granted it is a shorter distance, but in trying to get around Ireland is I have noticed a adventure in itself. I often feel rather intrepid and adventurous. Plus if the truth be told, I am a bit of a Diva, so when I am told to take a bus, visions of untold horror spring to mind. But there again I have taken the bus and lived to tell the tale, so it isn’t that bad. In the end I suppose my biggest complaint is the amount of time it takes to travel from one place to the other.
3.The Heating situation, I have often noticed in hotel rooms, there is often a tiny wall mounted anemic heater close to the window and as far away from the the center of the room as is architectural possible to put it, with out hanging it out the window. Which is suppose to warm up the room. Again, there is usually some fiffing, fussing, faffing, farting, and a whole lot of fucking around to get the poor thing to work. I mean, it is off or blazing hot, very little in between. Normally I would put on more clothes, but in this line of work I am currently in, well, less is more. So, during the colder months, don’t be surprised to see me when answering the door to be dressed in some serious lovely lingerie, and pink woolly socks! I might start a whole new foot fetish. Let me warm your balls with my woolly feet!
The Cool things I have noticed in my travels:
1. Lovely country side! I had to find something positive about all those long ass train and bus rides!
2. Irish Stew! I have put on kilos eating this stuff, and I haven’t encountered two that are alike. I think it is based on what is available in any give region. Some regions had more than others.
3.Wool Sweaters! Practical keep your-ass-warm-screw-fashion sweaters! You won’t see these on any runway, but when it is wet and raining and miserable outside, you will be thanking the little bare-arsed sheep for the wool it provided to keep your ass warm.
4.Irish Pubs! They don’t work out side of Ireland, the craic isn’t the same. I think I have found a new job, Professional Pub Presence. A person, who is hired(must be Irish) to give an authentic Irish Presence to an Irish Pub, outside of Ireland. Job description: Must like Guinness, must be friendly, and must be able to tell tall tales. Can you see the queue? I love Irish Pubs, the chat is fantastic, and the Guinness is tastier.
5. The regional accents! These are amazing! The Cork accent, is sweet and they sing when they talk, the Donegal accent is fast and runs together-don’t understand a damn thing they are saying- I just nod in what I hope are the appropriate places during the conversation.
Dublin can vary according to neighborhood-a good indication of who is who.
Northern accent is also melodic and gently sweet.
Galway accent is clearer and more harmonious.

The Casual Observations of an Escort.

My name is Violette, I am an international escort, I often tour around to different countries plying my trade and hopefully bringing a bit of joy to some lives. Along the way, one can’t help but notice things about places and people.

For instance, in Holland, they all ride bikes, soft drugs are legal, prostitution is also legal, but the cost is quite low. Ireland, drinking is a national past time, and sport, every town has a church named after St. Patrick, and the accents can vary from neighborhood to neighborhood, let alone from town to town. France, the food, the fashion, and the form-the French love form for its own sake, which makes for fantastic shop windows, but interesting politics. Italy, food, mama, food, architecture, art, food, fashion, and food. I love the Italians, they are fantastic to watch arguing. England, the upper lip isn’t the only thing that is stiff with this bunch.
But just as the food, language, and styles are different so is their approach to escorting.

The Dutch, past masters at organizing and middlemanship, have managed to remove all the forbidden fruit aspect to the whole thing and turned it into a business. Right down to having an information center where ladies can go and get questions answered to various and sundry queries. Making it legal, so they can tax the hell out of it. Fantastic I just love this approach, it is rather refreshing to say the least.

The Irish, this is a mixed brew, I have lately been spending a large amout of time here, and so far this is one of the few groups who have managed to be accepting and conflicted about the whole idea all at once. There are websites dedicated to allowing the ladies and gentlemen to come together and interact rather openly. Then there will be documentries condeming the practice and highlighting how sad and desperate the women are(utter nonsense), and how enslaved the men are(also utter bollocks). Not to mention the polices’ (called Garda) reaction, it is illegal, but an independent lady can file a complaint, just as long as she is independent. Right! There are some seriously conflicted inner working happening in Ireland. But with that said, they are a delightfully funny people, full of fun.

The French, a complicated lot, but when it comes to the subject of sex, and especially forbidden sex, oh dear how they have managed to make being naughty so much fun. As long as you dress it up in a package other that what it is, and add that glamourous hint of fashion to it, it is amazing with what you can get away with. Glamour and a serious attention to artifice is called for.

The Italians, lots of frustration and conflicts here, which leads to the very Macho attitude I have encountered. Let’s say they excel way more at food.

The English, where does one begin, a wide spectrum of attitudes here, anything from ‘who cares’ to NIMBYism. Some frustration, but when you encounter one that is well balanced and into what they want, it is rather a refreshing thing to find.

But these general personal observations are about the men, I am encountering in my various travels, which got me thinking about the other half of the equation-the women. Some of my clients are in relationships and some are not, I will often ask if they are married or not, just for curiosity; but after awhile a pattern started to emerge. I started to notice when given the slightest opportunity, gentlemen will open up and start to talk about the relationship they are in, and the sex they are not having. Not to put too fine a point on things, but I wouldn’t use some of my clients name in the same sentence with Cassonova! But that being said, the general compliant is that the lady wife tends to like the usual routine of missionary. But when given the options, of doggy, cowgirl, ballerina(that is being a bit more acrobatic), or missionary, 8 our of 10 will choose the missionary! Now I have to ask the question, is it the lady or the man who prefers this position? Chicken or Egg?