Just finished a one of the longest tours ever in Ireland, and I must say, aside for being totally knackered, I was surprised how many people are still being positive in the face of the financial situation. But then again that is the way of the Irish, to put a positive a spin on a bad situation. And let’s face it, we in this part of the world, we really have nothing to complain about, except there are a couple of things I would like to have further clarification on:
1. What is with all the fiffing,fussing, faffing, farting, and fucking about with the hot water in this country? IT is NEVER straight forward! There is always some button to push, some switch to flick, some knob to turn, some timer to set and when all else fails, some prayers to be said to the saint of hot running water. Oh did I forget to mention the water pressure? I can’t tell you how many times I have been down on my knees in the tub, as low as I can get, in the vain hope of getting the shower to dribble some water on my ass. It is amusing now, but it wasn’t at the time.
2.Also, in my travels around the fair Emerald Isle, I have come to the conclusion, it takes longer to travel within the country, than it does to travel outside of it. Example- it takes 3+ hours to get from Dublin to Cork, than it does to get from Dublin to Belfast. Granted it is a shorter distance, but in trying to get around Ireland is I have noticed a adventure in itself. I often feel rather intrepid and adventurous. Plus if the truth be told, I am a bit of a Diva, so when I am told to take a bus, visions of untold horror spring to mind. But there again I have taken the bus and lived to tell the tale, so it isn’t that bad. In the end I suppose my biggest complaint is the amount of time it takes to travel from one place to the other.
3.The Heating situation, I have often noticed in hotel rooms, there is often a tiny wall mounted anemic heater close to the window and as far away from the the center of the room as is architectural possible to put it, with out hanging it out the window. Which is suppose to warm up the room. Again, there is usually some fiffing, fussing, faffing, farting, and a whole lot of fucking around to get the poor thing to work. I mean, it is off or blazing hot, very little in between. Normally I would put on more clothes, but in this line of work I am currently in, well, less is more. So, during the colder months, don’t be surprised to see me when answering the door to be dressed in some serious lovely lingerie, and pink woolly socks! I might start a whole new foot fetish. Let me warm your balls with my woolly feet!
The Cool things I have noticed in my travels:
1. Lovely country side! I had to find something positive about all those long ass train and bus rides!
2. Irish Stew! I have put on kilos eating this stuff, and I haven’t encountered two that are alike. I think it is based on what is available in any give region. Some regions had more than others.
3.Wool Sweaters! Practical keep your-ass-warm-screw-fashion sweaters! You won’t see these on any runway, but when it is wet and raining and miserable outside, you will be thanking the little bare-arsed sheep for the wool it provided to keep your ass warm.
4.Irish Pubs! They don’t work out side of Ireland, the craic isn’t the same. I think I have found a new job, Professional Pub Presence. A person, who is hired(must be Irish) to give an authentic Irish Presence to an Irish Pub, outside of Ireland. Job description: Must like Guinness, must be friendly, and must be able to tell tall tales. Can you see the queue? I love Irish Pubs, the chat is fantastic, and the Guinness is tastier.
5. The regional accents! These are amazing! The Cork accent, is sweet and they sing when they talk, the Donegal accent is fast and runs together-don’t understand a damn thing they are saying- I just nod in what I hope are the appropriate places during the conversation.
Dublin can vary according to neighborhood-a good indication of who is who.
Northern accent is also melodic and gently sweet.
Galway accent is clearer and more harmonious.